Point A to Point B

I am going to start off my blog by giving my personal testimony. This will be the first time most people have heard it, but I think it is the best way to develop a relationship with my future readers. I also don't want my readers to think that I have lived some perfect life stuck in a bubble away from any harm. My goal is to make this blog real, relevant, practical, and applicable; something that people are able to read over, apply it to their lives, and draw them closer to God. Notes For The Journey is just as much for me to read, as it is for my readers. Most of the subjects I will touch on will be issues that have been on my heart or maybe things that I am currently going through. So I welcome you and look forward to our journey together as we walk this out...

My story really starts at age 14, it was January 7th of 2002. I woke up just like any other Monday morning, got on the bus, and headed off to school. Just before my class got released for lunch, I had gotten called down to the office and was asked to bring my things because my mom was there to pick me up. Dumbfounded, I collected my things, packed up and was excited to head home early from school. As soon as I saw my mom and noticed my sister was with her, I knew something was up. It was an uncomfortable silence between us as my mom signed me out. As we began to walk out of the school and headed towards the car I asked my mom what was going on. As innocent as the question was, the answer would change the course of my entire life. She opened her mouth and could barely get the words out. My older and only brother was killed in a car accident that very morning. My whole world slowed down and I lost the feeling in my legs, almost collapsing right there on the pavement. From that point on my life would never be the same, my roommate that I had lived with for 14 years would be gone from my life, forever. Everything I had ever known, he was a part of. Everything I had enjoyed about life was because he had introduced me to it. Needless to say my life took a downward spiral. I fell into a depressive state of being. From ages 14 to roughly 21, approximately a third of my life, I hated myself, my circumstances, and worst of all, God for what (I thought) He had done to me. I had such malice in my heart towards the LORD and the world in general. Over the course of that seven years I sought out who I was by putting my identity into detrimental relationships with women who weren't of Faith. Although I had created a chasm between God and I, throughout those seven years I knew in my Heart of Hearts, that what I was doing was wrong. Other than the false relationships I was seeking, I had also found myself addicted to pirating software, music, movies, you name it. As harmless as this may sound, actions such as these take a toll on the soul. Throughout the years everything seemed to spin out of control. I often contemplated ending my own life. I had all the means and most of the willpower to do so. Luckily, one day when I was in my room alone and thinking about the quickest way to end my state of pain, I heard a voice in my head that I had never heard before. He said, "What are you doing?" As I responded with the facts of my life and how much pain and sorrow, He responded with the Truth saying, "But I have such good plans for you..." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew right away exactly who was talking to me. I completely broke. As tears streamed down my face, I knew that my life would be redirected down a brighter path. From that day forth, it was a constant battle for me to stay happy and be joyful. For a long time after that I could still feel the depression behind my smile. I felt like such a fake person, everything that I would show the world was but a mask. Nobody knew what I was dealing with, and it wasn't until I started seeking God the summer of 2009 that I truly started to break the many chains that the enemy had put on me. All my anger towards God for what I thought he had done to me was gone. Once I started learning the truth about Him and what He wanted for my life, all of my sorrows fell by the wayside. I finally got revelation knowledge that it wasn't God that had done this, but the works of the enemy, and that God only wanted good for me. He had been seeking after me ever since I walked away from Him, and He longed to have that relationship with me back. I am so thankful that He never gave up on me, even though I had given up on both of us a long time ago...